Giving Compliments: Are You Sincere or Selfish?

We have all encountered people who use the cheap tactic of tearing others down in order to make themselves look or feel better. It is juvenile, shallow, and temporary. But have you ever been guilty of tearing yourself down in an attempt to say something nice to someone else? It would sound something like this:

"You're so pretty, I wish I looked like you."

"You are so talented, you make me sick."

"You do that so well, I could never do that."

How does a person respond to that? "Uh,… thank you?"

This kind of compliment is based on comparisons. You are saying their good qualities are contingent upon you having none, not based on who they are or what they have accomplished. And in reality, we selfishly shift the focus back to ourselves before they even get a chance to enjoy our compliment.

How about this, instead?

"You have such beautiful eyes!"

"I love to hear you play piano, you really add a special emotion to the music."

"It's great to see you! You're always so much fun!"

Give it a try. You'll be surprised how it builds both of you.